TOW Christmas in Tulsa
by chocmanga
Summary: Just my own alternate version of this episode, obviously all mondler! Enjoy & review! :
1. Chapter 1

Just my version of The one with Christmas in Tulsa & since Christmas officially end today I figure its and ok time to put it up, enjoy . . . oh and still don't own these characters

Scene: Monica & Chandler's apartment

Chandler: and to all a good night (he runs out)

Joey: dude wait for me, I can't be alone on Christmas! (Joey runs after him)

Ross: Mon you ok?

Monica: yea I guess so, I mean it could always be worse

Phoebe: really, how could it? . . .

Monica: (thinking) well . . .

Phoebe: I mean the only advantage to being married is the guarantee you're never alone for important holidays but now look at you alone

Rachel: Phoebe!

Phoebe: oh tell me you don't know I'm right

Rachel: I do but hearing it out loud makes me feel like a terrible person for thinking it

Ross: (sarcastic) please guys stop the Christmas spirit is way to strong right now

(Joey enters, he's out of breath)

Monica: Joey honey you ok?

Joey: yea I tried to run after Chandler's cab, I would have made it too but I only had one lunch today so there wasn't much gas in the tank

Monica: did you even get to say goodbye to him?

Joey: yea I did, he also told me to tell you this (Joey kisses Monica)

Monica: whoa Joey!

Phoebe: you back off woman, Tribbiani is mine!

Rachel: did Chandler actually tell you to do that?

Joey: not exactly

Monica: well what did he tell you to do?

Joey: he said he loved you and was sorry about all this . . . (everyones still staring at him) I thought my way was more heartfelt

Phoebe: oh and tax breaks!

Ross: what are you talking about?

Phoebe: another advantage to being married, oh so we're still on this Monica-Joey-Chandler love triangle then?

Scene: Monica & Chandler's, later on, Monica's in the kitchen cooking

Rachel: Monica are you feeling alright?

Monica: yea course just getting stuff ready to cook dinner tomorrow

Rachel: and you're sure you're ok?

Monica: yes Rachel!

Rachel: well its just you've been chopping the carrot for about 20 minutes now

Monica: oh well I'm a chef and just being thorough

Rachel: yea but sweetie unless you're cooking a dinner for ants I think those pieces of carrots are a bit too small (Monica glares at her)

Ross: Rachel back away now, you never say anything negative to Monica in her kitchen especially when she's so unstable

Monica: I'm not 'unstable'

Phoebe: I dunno Mon the vein in your forehead begs to differ (the phone rings)

Monica: hello?

Chandler: hey sweetie

Monica: guys it Chandler, hold on honey I'm putting you on speaker so don't say anything sexy

Chandler: ok I'll try

Everyone: Merry Christmas

**Monica:** So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?

**Chandler:** Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy.

**Monica:** Wendy? - That sounds like a girl's name.

**Chandler:** It is. Did I... not tell you about her?

**Monica:** Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else?

**Chandler:** I sent them home.

**Monica:** Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?

**Chandler:** Uhh, uh...

**Ross:** (in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster!

**Chandler:** I don't know!

**Ross:** (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!

**Chandler:** I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague.

**Monica:** What does she do there?

**Chandler:** Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me.

**Monica:** She did WHAT?

**Chandler:** BE-LOW me!

**Joey:** Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?

**Monica:** *What*?

**Chandler:** Well, she... she didn't win...

**Monica:** Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.

**Chandler:** Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...

**Rachel:** (interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking!

**Chandler:** Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.

**Monica:** Okay.

**Chandler:** I'm serious!

**Monica:** Okay!

**Chandler:** Merry Christmas.

**Monica:** Merry Christmas.

**Chandler:** Merry Christmas, you guys!

**Others:** (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...)

**Phoebe:** (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab (everyone looks puzzled)

Ross: so . . . .

Joey: that was so awkward

Ross: thanks for clarifying that Joe, Mon you know that Chandler wouldn't do anything to hurt you

Monica: (bluntly) yea course

Ross: thats good

Monica: but I mean you couldn't blame him with the Ms. Ohkahoma winner, I mean if anything he's trading me in for a better model, probably less milage and does way more cool, new fangled stuff (Monica starts sulking)

Joey: Mon honey it'll be ok

Monica: really?

Joey: yea I mean you're not THAT old

Rachel: (to Joey) you're even less clueless than Chandler

Phoebe: besides Monica any new and fangled stuff I can teach you

Rachel: (hold her hand) Monica this is Chandler we're talking about, he's crazy about you and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that

Monica: but what if . . .

Rachel: no what if's, you just have to trust him besides he's in Tulsa and you're here so you can't have a face-face argument about this and believe me phones are dangerous things to have an argument on

Monica: you're right! (Monica runs to her bedroom)

Rachel: wow I've been told I was right before . . its such a good feeling (Monica runs out carrying a bag)

Ross: what are you doing?

Rachel: basking in the glory of being right, its fabulous

Ross: (to Rachel) I wasn't talking to you!

Monica: I'm going to Tulsa

Everyone: what!

Monica: I can't stay here and wait for my marriage to go down the toilet, no I'm Monica frigging Gellar-Bing and I'm not a quitter!

Phoebe: so what are you going to do when you get there?

Monica: get my husband back from the claws of Ms. Ohklahoma

Ross: wait Mon you can't go

Monica: why not?

Ross: (quiet) who will cook Christmas dinner tomorrow?

Monica: seriously Ross!

Rachel: Monica ignore him and do what you feel you have to, heck I'll cook dinner tomorrow

Ross: Monica I beg you, if you don't want to come back to a burnt down apartment don't go!

Monica: right guys I love you and merry Christmas! (she leaves)

Rachel: and burning down the apartment, below the belt Geller!

Phoebe: and now that Monica's gone we can have some of my tofurkey!

Joey: tofurkey! . . . Monica wait for me! (Joey runs out)

Scene: outside the apartment

Joey: Monica wait

Monica: Joey honey I have to go

Joey: look I know Chandler wouldn't do anything with this woman, I mean he's crazy about you

Monica: no this was the wake up call I needed, I should have never let him go there alone

Joey: what do you mean?

Monica: I bringing my man home Joe!

Joey: you are! (gets in the cab) right move over, he's my man too and if you're going to fight for him then I am too

Monica: Joey honey we're flying there do you even have a passport?

Joey: always carry mine with me in case I have to go to Vermont or something

Monica: you don;t need a passport for . . . you know what I can teach you geography again, (to the cab driver) JFK airport please sir and fast!

I'll put the second chapter up ASAP its just too much to put into one, hope you enjoy it & review pretty please!


	2. Chapter 2

**Scene: Chandler's office, just after the phone call with Monica **

**Chandler:** (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!".

**Wendy:** Ah. Fun conversation?

**Chandler:** Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.

**Wendy:** Huh? Really? - Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)

**Chandler:** This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie . . . Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)

**Wendy:** (laughs) ...Missy?

**Chandler:** I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?

**Wendy:** You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.)

**Chandler:** (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!

**Wendy:** So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)

**Chandler:** I'm happily married.

**Wendy:** Oh.. . What's that like?

**Chandler:** Right. So, I'm sorry...

**Wendy:** Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy?

**Chandler:** Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.

**Wendy:** Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?

Chandler: well because I have to work, you know bring in the bacon (starts sniggering) the bacon on the table right here . . . (she stares blankly at him) I know for a fact my wife would have at least pretended to laugh at the mediocre pun right there

Wendy: ohhhhh so that's why you're with her, because she laughs at your jokes?

Chandler: no there has to be way more to it than that (thinking) although it's a pretty big part of it. . . you know what I don't have to prove to you why I'm married

Wendy: you're absolutely right, the only person you should have to prove that to is thousands of miles away but me I'm here . . . waiting

Chandler: waiting for what (realizing) you're still talking about the sex aren't you (she looks seductively at him) has nothing I've said had any effect on you?

Wendy: Chandler you can say whatever you want but actions speak louder than words

Chandler: I can still be here even if its during the most important holiday of the year and still be happily married . . . oh I just heard it

Wendy: Chandler stop denying you want this, I mean you sent everyone home but me, are you really telling me you were planning on us just 'working' tonight?

Chandler: well there's an awful lot of work to do

Wendy: starting with me (she slides everything off the table and jumps on it)

Chandler: oh good god!

Wendy: but listen if we're going to do this you have to stop talking about the 'wifey', its kind of a mood killer

Chandler: no being married is a mood killer, I can't do this . . . I mean I don't feel that way about you

Wendy: you're not even a little bit curious

Chandler: hey I'm still a guy (she starts smiling) no, no, no stop thinking the thoughts of sexiness . . . at least with me anyways

Wendy: alright fine (she gets off the table) your wife is a very lucky woman

Chandler: I know right but try telling her that. . . . that was sarcasm, my wife is crazy about me

Wendy: I'm crazy about you too

Chandler: you know if you weren't trying to seduce me you and my wife would be really good friends, I mean you have common ground (pointing at himself) . . . alright lets just get back to work and pretend none of that happened. . . right so the WENUS

Wendy: you read my mind Bing! (she jumps on his lap) get those pants off and show me your WENUS!

Chandler: whoa!

Wendy: say more dirty things to me!

Chandler: I'm really not that irresistible! (he pushes her off)

Wendy: was that you 'working' again?

Chandler: YES!

Wendy: so you really want to work then?

Chandler: god yes!

Wendy: (thinking) right so I'm off

Chandler: what!

Wendy: to be honest I only stayed because I thought you & me were going to

Chandler: stop right there!

Wendy: so merry christmas and all that crap! (she leaves & Chandler looks very confused)

Wendy: (enters again) I'm taking the ham with me! Now you're going to be alone and hungry (she leaves)

Chandler: Wendy wait!

Wendy: oh good you've come to your senses (starts unbuttoning her shirt)

Chandler: exactly . . . I'm quitting

Wendy: (stops unbuttoning her shirt) come again?

Chandler: I can't work here and be away from my wife. . . my job just isn't that important to me

Wendy: so why are you telling me . . . if you think I'm going to throw a going-away party for you you have another thing coming

Chandler: no but as vice-president here you are now in-charge and that means I can leave and you must stay and get all this work done (throws loads of paper up in the air)

Wendy: then I choose not to accept your resignation, I mean you at least have to put it in letter from

Chandler: you're absolutely right (grabs a napkin) do you a spare pen? (she glares at him) . . . totally losing the momentum of what's supposed to be me storming out right now

**Scene:** Monica & Chandler's, Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are there

Phoebe: this kind of sucks

Rachel: yea I'm with Phoebe

Ross: Rach I just gave you your christmas present!

Rachel: its not only because of the present but come on I mean none of us even live in this apartment and here we on Christmas eve, I just miss the others

Phoebe: I miss Joey too!

Ross: Pheeb's I think she was talking about Monica and Chandler as well

Phoebe: oh right . . . well I wasn't (Chandler enters)

**Chandler:** Hey!

(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)

**Ross:** Oh my god...

Rachel: what are you doing here! You're not supposed to be here!

Chandler: merry Christmas to you too Rach (they're all staring at him confused) I quit my job

Everyone: what?

Chandler: it was a stupid job and I couldn't stand spending so much time away from Monica . . its alright you can say it, I'm whipped . . . so where is she, I can't wait to tell her

Ross: you know its actually kind of a funny story

Chandler: what are you talking about?. . . Monica honey you here! (checks the bedroom) this is the only time I'm ever going to say this but all jokes aside where is my wife!

Phoebe: she left you . . . couldn't handle christmas alone (Chandler's looks distraught) ah got ya!

Chandler: Phoebe!

Phoebe: (laughing) the look on your face

Rachel: Chandler you aren't going to believe this but Monica flew to Tulsa, she didn't want you to spend Christmas alone

Chandler: so you're telling me that Monica is now going to spend Christmas alone

Ross: not alone she's with Joey (thinking) that sounded better in my head

Scene: Tulsa, Chandler's office, Monica & Joey enter

Joey: I'm starving

Monica: you've been saying that since we landed

Joey: but I am!

Monica: Joey this will be quick, we're literally going to grab Chandler and run. . . back to Manhatten if we have to! (looking at the door) this must be his office (she enters and Wendy's there) you're Wendy aren't you? . . . you know what don't answer, I'm taking Chandler back home, I don't care what happened between you two . . . well I do care but thats between me and Chandler!

Joey: (checking Wendy out) I can't believe you only came runner up for Ms. Oklahoma

Monica: now's not the time Joe!

ok just one more chapter, hope you're enjoying it


	3. Chapter 3

Scene: Tulsa office, Monica, Wendy & Joey are there

Wendy: so I suppose you're looking for Chandler

Monica: yep! So hand him over, you don't want to cross me when it comes to my man!

Joey: oh yea cat fight!

Wendy: well he's not here (Monica's phone starts ringing)

Monica: speak of the devil . . . hey Chandler . . . hold on one sec, (to Wendy) stop eyeballing me! Joey I'm going to take this in the corridor but watch her because we're not finished yet

Wendy: god you're so friendly I really see why Chandler loves you

(in the corridor)

Chandler: Mon honey where are you?

Monica: an even better question is where are you?

Chandler: I just asked you that!

Monica: well the balls in your court mister because I flew out here to find you and all I found was (high-pitched voice) 'Wendy'

Chandler: thats not how she talks

Monica: really because my ears bleed every time she opens her mouth!

Chandler: Mon I'm in New York

Monica: what? That's not part of the plan

Chandler: what plan?

Monica: operation save my marriage!

Chandler: honey our marriage doesn't need to be saved, I quit my job and came home . . . to spend Christmas with you

Monica: I flew to Tulsa to spend Christmas with you . . . and tell you to quit your job

Chandler: (sarcastic) you were going to give me an ultimatum!

Monica: way to wreck the moment honey

Chandler: look just come home now, I was planning on doing a cool sweep-you-off-your-feet moment when I got home

Monica: well you still can, we're going to head back to the airport & get the next flight home

Chandler: alright but don't take too long, cos I have to sweep a Geller off their feet tonight and if its not you then Ross will have to do

Ross: ew dude!

Monica: alright then, I'll call you when we have a flight booked

Chandler: I'll be here . . . waiting, I mean its not like I have a job to go to or anything, not laughing are you honey

Monica: no not really

Chandler: too soon for the unemployment jokes . . . ok well you better get used to them for when you come home, bye, love you

Ross: what was that?

Chandler: I don't follow

Ross: you didn't spell out the importance of her coming back. . . to make Christmas dinner

Rachel: hey I said I was going too!

Ross: my point exactly

Scene: Tulsa

Monica: alright Joey we're out of here, Chandler's at home & we're going to be too ASAP

Joey: yippee . . . listen Wendy it was nice to get to know you but I don't think we'd work, not after you kind of tried to break up my best friends

Wendy: I never said I wanted to get with you

Joey: your eyes don't lie

Monica: Joey sweetie go downstairs & get a cab I'll be down in a bit

Joey: you aren't going to have a cat fight are you because I don't really want to miss that

Monica: Joey cab now! (he leaves)

Wendy: why are you still here?

Monica: I'm going to go home to Chandler and I'm going to ask you the same question I'll be asking him . . . did anything happen between you two?

Wendy: would it change things for your marriage?

Monica: I don't know, it depends what 'it' is, if 'its' a coffee then no but if 'its' canoodling on the paper-copier then maybe . . . so what happened?

Wendy: we kissed but it wasn't going anywhere, he pushed me off immediately

Monica: really?

Wendy: listen lady I'm in no position to lie, I've just been promoted at the busiest time of year for us and I get to spend Christmas alone with a ham

Monica: well I appreciate your honesty . . . well I guess I'll go, I always pride myself on being polite and would say it was nice to meet you but it really really wasn't (she goes to leave)

Wendy: (quietly) don't worry he'll be back

Monica: what did you say?

Wendy: I said he'll be back, he realize he wants me, any woman who would let him go to another state and not follow him is crazy

Monica: I did that for stupid stupid reason . . . I only just realized that now . . . several months later

Wendy: (sarcastic) stop lady please already you've already sold yourself so well

Monica: look me letting Chandler go was a mistake and I regret it but it's in the past and there's nothing I can do about it now

Wendy: yeaaaa I still think he'll be back to me

Monica: alright you back off right now! (they start fighting & Joey runs in)

Joey: cat fight! Yeaaaaaah baby, I knew it was a good idea to wait outside eves-dropping

Scene: Monica & Chandler's apartment, Monica & Joey enter, Chandler's asleep on the couch

Joey: (looking at Chandler) aw look how cute he looks

Monica: Joe I think as his wife I'm the one that should be saying that

Chandler: (waking up) you guys made it! You know it might just be the best christmas present I've ever gotten

Joey: you're welcome dude

(Chandler & Monica hug)

Chandler: (whispering) you know I was talking about you right? (Monica nods) wait Monica is that a black eye?

Monica: maybe

Chandler: what happened?

Joey: Monica & that Wendy lady got in a cat fight over you

Chandler: no way

Joey: yeaaaaaah baby!

Chandler: and she punched you?

Monica: I didn't lose alright! But damnit she's got a mean left hook

Chandler: aw come here (they hug) well thanks for fighting for me . . . what did Wendy say exactly because I want you to know that NOTHING happened between us!

Monica: I trust you

Chandler: well you mustn't trust me too much if you had to fly to Tulsa

Joey: (to Chandler) maybe you didn't trust yourself enough with Wendy & thats why you had to fly here (Chandler glares at him) I'm going to leave, night guys

Chandler: its morning Joe

Joey: Christmas morning? (they nod) I've got presents to open (he runs out)

Monica: Chandler I did trust you

Chandler: really?

Monica: well almost . . .

Chandler: almost!

Monica: what!, look you would have been there lonely and she would have been your only source of comfort and after seeing her I almost wouldn't blame because she's not half bad

Chandler: (scared) so what did she tell you?

Monica: the truth, that she tried to kiss you but you refused

Chandler: yeaaaaaah baby (they kiss) there's only one person's lips I want planted on mine

Monica: so what was all this stuff about you wanting to 'sweep me off my feet'?

Chandler: oh well I couldn't find any mistletoe but this will do (picks something off the coffee table)

Monica: sweetie thats parsley

Chandler: (thinking) to show that I'm quite 'partial' to you, parsley – partial, ye geddit?

Monica: I missed your crappy puns! (they kiss)

well thats it, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
